The Summer of Jeb

School’s out. The Cavs are eliminated. Summer is basically here and I don’t have a job. Let the blogging begin!

With all this free time on my hands, I should be able to focus on the finer things of life, such as reading, writing (blogging), exercising, and spending time with friends. Yet, I find myself spending the majority of my time in my room, by myself watching ESPN, Jeopardy, or Gilmore Girls episodes that I have seen multiple times already (they’re just so witty, I can’t help myself).

At times it has been a struggle to muster up the motivation to leave my room and make the 100 foot trek to the wellness center to get a lift in. At times the idea of lacing up the old running shoes and going for a 5 mile jaunt through Canton seems like the last thing I’d want to do. And if I’m having this much trouble getting motivated to exercise, (I’m an exercise science major, by the way) how am I going to force myself to sit down and read a book? It’s so much easier to turn on the television, sit on my couch, and watch Cash Cab.

Why does it seem like the more free time we have, the less we are motivated to do? How many times have you heard someone say, or said yourself, “If only I had more free time, then I could focus on what’s truly important?” I know I’ve said that before. But that’s not necessarily what happens. I more often find myself with the attitude, “I don’t have to do anything today, so I won’t do anything today.”

Don’t get me wrong, some days are better than others. Some days I wake up and am ready to take on the world. It’s being consistent that’s the problem. I need to find a way to stay motivated throughout the week. Writing about it helps. Goal setting may be appropriate. Prayer is definitely beneficial.

When it comes down to it, I just need to hunker down and show some self discipline. There’s a long summer ahead. I’ll leave you with a quote from a movie I watched recently. It seems to fit. “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.” Yeah, I like that.

What Drives Your Soul?

I’ve always been a little jealous of musicians. Basically, I’m jealous of  anyone who can sing or play an instrument. It’s probably because I have no musical talent whatsoever. And what makes things worse is that I love music so much. If I could, I would listen to music at all times. It would be like a movie soundtrack, but only to my life. I would be fine with that.

Anyway, back to my jealousy…. Have you ever been to a concert or show of some sort and watched a musician get so into playing their instrument that it seems as if they have completely lost all sense of where they are. It’s like the audience isn’t even there anymore and they’re just playing because if they don’t they could explode. The music is just pouring out of them. Almost like the music has taken over. Part of me wants that.

When I think about it, it’s not so much the musical talent that I’m jealous of, I have other talents I could develop. What intrigues me is the passion that they bring to their music. I like this word, passion.

When you have something that you’re passionate about you feel as if your life has purpose. There is always something that you’ll be willing to work at, struggle with, suffer for.  Some people may be passionate about painting. Teachers can be passionate about education. Others have a passion for helping the poor.

While not all of these passions are expressed as intensely as say a drummer so entranced that it takes him a second to realize he lost a drumstick, they all have something in common. These passions are all extremely powerful. Sometimes to the point that they’re dangerous. Have you ever felt so strongly about something that you don’t think you could live without it, as though it is a part of you and without it you are not whole? In my opinion, that’s kind of scary.

I’ll tell you what I think is more frightening. What if you don’t figure out your passion? What if you go through life never finding that one thing that gets you excited, causes you to react, that thing that defines your purpose in life.

Sadly, it seems many people lack passion in their lives. Think about it for a second. What drives you? What one thing above all else gives your life meaning? If you are like me, you may not be able to answer the question. Don’t worry, there’s still time. As long as you are seeking your purpose you are headed in the right direction.

So here’s some advice, take it or leave it, for figuring out what you are passionate about….

First of all, don’t confuse your passion with your talents. Just because you are good at something, doesn’t mean that this is what you should pursue. When things come easy to us, we are less likely to struggle, less likely to grow. Stretch yourself and figure out what moves you.

Next, don’t let someone else tell you what your passion is. This is something you have to discover for yourself. However, I’m not saying you shouldn’t take advice from others. Affirmation can be crucial. Just don’t let others define who you are.

Lastly, allow God to reveal your passions to you. It is through seeking His will that we fully allow ourselves to become the human beings we were made to be. If your purpose comes from God I assure you, your life will be more meaningful than you can ever imagine.

Lights! Jon’s Camera! No action.

Tuesday night I experienced something that I don’t experience very often. I ventured off campus and went to a show in Cleveland at a cool little place called the Grog Shop. I love music, but for some reason I haven’t been to a lot of concerts. Maybe it’s because I feel a little uncomfortable at a concert. Usually, I don’t fit in with the types of people who typically go to shows. I guess I could try to fit in, but I don’t want to change who I am just to feel more comfortable around people. For example, Jon was joking with me that I can’t wear my running shoes to the show. I guess they’re not “scene” enough. The thing is, I’m not scene, whatever that means. Why would I dress like someone I’m not?

Anyway, the show was great. The opening acts got progressively better as the night went on. I think Ian (een) found a new favorite band in Everything Zen, a high school aged quartet seemingly obsessed with popular rock music from the 90’s. Just think of a high school talent show band who sounds like a mix between 311, Limp Biscuit, with maybe some Incubus thrown in the mix. I’m worried though, because who knows what the singer’s voice will sound like after he reaches puberty. All joking aside, they weren’t so bad and Sparrows and Arrows are actually really good.

This was all leading up to the reason we were in attendance. Lights was the headliner of the night, and she didn’t disappoint. Who is Lights you ask? Lights is a young Canadian singer whose songs were featured in a few Old Navy commercials last year. Ethan introduced her to us after his curiosity for new music led him to her. Thank you Ethan.

Lights was awesome, as she sang all the old favorites we have grown to love in the past couple of months, as well as some new songs. She encored with a cover of Phil Collins’ hit “In the Air Tonight” which happens to be a favorite song of mine. Interestingly enough, when the end of the night came, I no longer felt out of place. Maybe it was because four of my friends were with me. Maybe it was because I realized that no one was paying attention to me anyway. Or it probably was because of how Lights brings people together. For example, at one point during the show I was standing beside a typical guy that you would see at this type of show. He had a mohawk, small t-shirt and girl pants on.  However, on my other side was a black dude with baggy jeans and a Fubu basketball jersey. Both were there to see Lights. Both were enjoying themselves, and both were singing along with every word.

After the show, we stuck around to get a picture with Lights. It wasn’t a big concert, so it didn’t take very long to get through the line. The plan was to each get a picture with her and then maybe a group photo. Sadly, Paul ruined the plan. He became over anxious and immediately asked for a group photo. It’s okay though, cause I still got to be beside Lights in the photo. We all talked for awhile and Lights was pretty cool. She thought we looked like we were in a band. And then Ethan lied to her (he’s just a boy). Unfortunately we were interrupted by a drunk dude from the bar. Just like that, our time with Lights ended and we headed home. The end… or is it?

Nothing to report.

I was going to try to write something, but all of the sudden my head hurts. Sorry, I’ll try to post something of quality soon. Until then, take it easy.

Ubiquitous. Unique. Unacquaintances.

It is estimated that the world’s population is about 6.76 billion people. I don’t think it is possible to truly grasp how many people this is. It’s kind of mind boggling when you think about it. What is even more amazing is how each of these 6.76 billion people has their own story. Each person is an individual who shares many of the same characteristics as myself. They eat, sleep, laugh, cry, have families and friends, just as I do. The truth is, we have more in common than most of us realize. But then again, we are all different.

No two people are exactly alike. I don’t know about you, but that, in a way, is exciting to me. Just think of all of the amazing people you know. Maybe you don’t know a lot of people. Maybe you feel as though you have a ton of friends. I don’t know. But think about it. Let’s say you’ve met 6,700 people in your lifetime, this is definitely a much larger number than the number of people you actually know. 6,700 is less than one percent of one percent of the world’s population, much less.

There are so many people out there. So many unique individuals who I will never meet. People with ideas, or passions, or talents that I would love to experience. But sadly I never will. There are so many people that I will never come into contact with. Never get to share a coffee with, or chat about God,  or even just exchange glances with on a busy street corner.

Then again, what about those people who I do meet? Or the amazing people I already know? What about my future co-workers or clients? Or the people at my church? How well do I really know the other students in my classes? Are they not unique as well? Are they not fascinating  individuals made in the image of God? Of course they are.

People are all around us. Most everyday I encounter someone whom I hardly know. I urge you, while I urge myself, to embrace these people. Take time to notice the beauty in the individuality that surrounds us. We are all unique human beings with a story to share. Who doesn’t like to hear a good story?

Music suggestion: Currently I’ve been listening to Jason Mraz’s new album, “We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things.” There is no doubt that this is one of the best albums of 2008. Jason Mraz took a year off from music previous to recording this album to “find himself”. It definately shows through his music. My favorite song is called “Live High”. You should check it out.

A Jedi. Not a Sith.

At times, life is not all peaches and cream. Well, at least that’s what my Grandma recently told me. The truth is, sometimes life does suck.  Bad things happen to good people, bad things happen to bad people. People do and say hurtful things, extremely damaging and devastating things.

Has anyone ever done anything to you that was so hurtful, so devastating that you don’t know how you will ever forgive them? Have you ever felt wronged by someone?

When this injustice occurs, sometimes we may feel like we need to tell someone about it. It’s like these feelings are inside of you and if you keep them in there is a chance that you might explode, or implode, or spontaneously catch fire. The point is, it’s not good to keep it bottled up. And talking is a good thing. Talking about your feelings is a healthy expression of those emotions. You have to let it out.

But be careful what you say and who you say it to.

I have found that often when we are “venting” to another person about how someone has wronged us, what we are really looking for is affirmation from that person. Affirmation and acknowledgment that we have the right to be angry. We want to hear this person say something like, “that was really wrong for him to do that to you.” Or “I hope she gets what she deserves”. It’s like you want them to acknowledge that what the person did was wrong and was a sin.

Why is this? Why do we think that getting others to point out this person’s sin will somehow make us feel any better?

Maybe this is our way of getting back at the person. Like getting revenge. You know, defamation of character or something like that.

However, this is not what God wants us to do. “Vengance is mine, says the Lord” (Romans 12:19). It is not up to us to repay anyone for what they have done to us. No matter how sinful it may be. When we seek revenge, many times we are just causing more damage to the situation, more damage to ourselves, and more damage to others.

I’ll leave you with this… Next time you are angry or upset because you feel like you have been wronged, go ahead and talk to someone about it. But before you do, think about your intentions. Think about what you will say and how you will say it. Control your anger. Be a Jedi, not a Sith.

Sunshine in December

At times, I find that I am one of those people who like to point out the negative aspects of a situation. Some would call it being pessimistic; I’ve argued that I’m just being realistic. Whichever is true, it doesn’t matter. What matters is I am not being optimistic.

For example, yesterday the weather was completely gorgeous. 70 degrees, sunny, with a warm breeze. Not really what you expect two days after Christmas in northeast Ohio. Wouldn’t you think I should have been praising God for the beautiful day he so graciously gave to us? This was not the case. I was more discouraged because I knew the nice weather wasn’t going to last. I was more  focused on the harsh Ohio winter that I knew to be ahead in the following three months. Somehow this beautiful day became more of a curse instead of the blessing it should have been.

I see this happen in many aspects of my life. God has given this wonderful gift to me, this joy and peace that is available every day I wake up and wander His creation. All I have to do is accept it. Embrace it. Take hold of it and realize how much God loves me. But sadly, I don’t always do this. I forget about what God has done. I look in other places to make me happy. But I’m always left wanting.

It would be like getting a perfect Christmas present, let’s say a coffee maker, because you’re an avid coffee drinker, opening it up and being so happy, so excited about it and then putting it back in the box and placing it under the tree, to never use it. All the while, you wake up every morning and long for a cup of coffee.

So, back to yesterday. It wasn’t until I got home at midnight and stepped out of my car when it hit me. As I glanced up at the stars, they were so bright and the sky was so clear,  I was finally able to appreciate the beauty of the day. I was so in awe that I just stopped and starred out into space for a few minutes. I thanked God for His creation and the magnificent vastness of the universe. It was then that a peace overcame me, a calmness that enabled me to appreciate the fact  that at that moment in time,  no matter what happens tomorrow or whatever has happened in the past, God loves me and I can take comfort in that. If I just take the time to stop and be grateful for all the good things God has given me, I’ll be able to appreciate the sunshine in December.

Current music: Lookin’ Forward by Over the Rhine

Back in Ohio… still in Honduras.

I arrived home from my trip to Honduras Friday night just after seven. After spending a week in Honduras, serving, learning, working, playing, and loving; needless to say, I was spent. I cannot tell you that I was completely sad to be home. There is no doubt that it was comforting to see my family and sleep in my own bed. But, as cliche as it sounds,  part of me was still in Honduras. Whenever you return from a trip like this, it always seems as though something in you has changed; you feel like you are not the same person you were when you left. I get this feeling after reading a great book or watching certain movies. I feel more complete but also lacking something at the same time. It is difficult to explain.

I spent an entire week with a group of people who I grew to love. Instead of recapping the events of the week (which can be found in Ashley’s blog at ashinhonduras.blogspot.com), I want to share with you a little bit of what God has been teaching me, in particular about living in community. I realize my posts can sometimes become lengthy, so bear with me, I’ll do my best to not write a book.

Throughout the week, about thirty people, mostly Americans (U.S. Americans) and some Hondurans lived together as a family of believers; serving together, eating together, worshiping together, and loving each other. Not only did we serve the people of Honduras, we also were serving each other. I laughed, loved and cried more in this short time than I had all year back home. Keep in mind that all thirty of us were sleeping in the same house, eating the same food, sharing the same bathrooms. The living conditions were in no way ideal; however, none of us complained. We realized that God had called us for a higher purpose. We were on a mission to show God’s love to those in need. It would not be inaccurate to call our little group a “community”.

I’ve been using this word “community” a lot lately. I like it. To me community means living together with a purpose, living for each other. When that sense of purpose comes from God, the community becomes the church. Our week in Honduras, I felt that we were the church. We were the hands and feet of Jesus. I am completely convinced that this is how God intended for us to live. The challenge for me is to figure out how to create that sort of community here, back home. It is so easy to be the church when you are completely focused on doing so. Unfortunately, it’s not that easy when you’re not on a mission’s trip. I just pray that God will lead me to find this type of community in my everyday life. I could go on about the trip for hours and hours, but I’ll refrain from doing so; however, if you ever want to talk about Honduras or the Church or anything else, I would love to chat with you.

I wish to leave you with a song that has become very dear to me. Our group sang this song almost everyday that we were in Honduras. It is such a simple, but beautiful song. I hope you enjoy it.

FATHER GOD

Father God, just for today
Help me walk your narrow way
Help me stand when I might fall
Give me Your strength to hear Your call

May my steps be worship
May my thoughts be praise
May my words bring honor to Your name
May my steps be worship
May my thoughts be praise
May my words bring honor to Your name

I can’t do anything this weekend, I’m going to Honduras.

Well, finals week is finally over and almost everyone has packed up and left for Christmas break; however, I’m still here. The reason I haven’t returned to good old Minerva for the break isn’t just because I wish to prolong the eventual boredom that will soon become my life, sitting at home with no internet and no Christmas break job to occupy my time. No, the reason I’m sticking around is because tomorrow morning at 8am I depart, along with 24 other Maloners, to Honduras for a week long missions trip extravaganza!

The truth is Honduras is one of the poorest countries in the western hemispere and they are in need of all the help we can give them. This being my first missions trip, not to mention my first trip outside the U.S. (besides Canada,  but I’m told it doesn’t count) I’m not sure what to expect. To be honest, I’m trying really hard not to have any expectations going into this trip. I’ve been preparing myself for the trip by asking God to take away my expectations and fears and help me allow myself to be used in whatever way He chooses.

As you read this, I just ask that you keep our group in your thoughts and prayers throughout the week as we offer ourselves to the people of Honduras, as well as to each other. I Pray that we allow ourselves to be used by God to glorify the kingdom. I want to make Jesus smile.

I’ll let you know how the trip goes… Ttyl!!!

Current music: Idioteque by Radiohead

Currently reading: Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer

Something from high school.

Over Thanksgiving break I had a lot of time to relax. It actually was somewhat boring. So, I started looking through some old files I had on my computer and I came across this short story I wrote in 12th grade English class. I just thought I’d share it with you guys…

The Blinding Light

by Jeb Ford

“Jump,” said the woman with the bright face, smiling warmly, hands outstretched. “I’ll catch you. Trust me.”

“I’m scared. You’re too far away,” said the girl.

“No Hunny, I’m right here, I’ll always be right here,” said the woman.

“I can’t do it. It’s too high. I’m too scared,” said the girl, as the tears started to build up in her eyes. The vision of the woman began to fade, as she became surrounded by a blinding light.

“Wait! Don’t leave me. I can’t do this on my own,” cried the girl.

“You’ll be fine, besides, I‘m with you always,” said the woman, her voice faded as the light intensified. “I love you.”

“Beep, beep, beep.” The alarm sounds. Nikki awakes abruptly. “I love you, too,” she mumbles. Finally, she realizes where she is. She turns off the alarm. As she sluggishly rolls over in her bed, she reaches over to close the blinds in the window. The sun is shining in the cloudless blue sky. There is a warm breeze blowing in off of the sparkling bay. The view from the window looks almost as if it was painted by an artist trying to capture an image of the perfect day. Nikki quickly pulls the blinds shut.

After standing in the cold shower for what seemed like an hour, not wanting to face the events of the upcoming day, Nikki finally decides to get dressed. Normally, black is her favorite color. She has many black outfits and she thinks she looks quite cute in each of them. However, the black skirt and blouse that she is wearing today do not coincide with her normal style. As she looks in the mirror while finishing up her make-up, there is a knock on the door.

“Nikki,” said a calm voice. “Are you eating breakfast before we leave?”

“Yeah, Dad, I always eat breakfast.”

“Well, try and hurry up. You know that we can’t be late,” he replied.

“I don’t even want to go,” she said, under her breath.

“What’s that Hunny?” asked the man.

“Nothing, I…I’m just about ready.” she answered, really wanting to tell her dad that she didn’t want to go and didn’t see why she had to. It’s not like anything she does can change what happened.

“See you downstairs,” he said. Nikki could hear his footsteps slowly walking down the steps. It reminded her of her little brother, racing down the steps in the mornings before school. She felt the worst for him, considering the fact that he is only five and doesn’t understand what is going on. She heard him crying in the night and hoped that he would soon understand.

Breakfast was good. Aunt Jenny made eggs and sausage. Nikki didn’t have much of an appetite, but tried her best to eat what was on her plate.

“You sure do look nice,” Aunt Jenny said, while cleaning off the table.

“Thanks.”

There was a strange silence in the kitchen. Usually Jenny and Nikki talked quite a bit. They talked about boys, soap operas, celebrities, all the usual gossip. This morning was different. Everyone knew that it was different, but no one wanted to talk about why.

Suddenly, Nikki’s Dad walked into the kitchen followed by her brother, Adam. “Well it took me awhile, but I finally got him dressed,” he said. Adam was wearing a white dress shirt with a black tie, a black suit jacket and slacks. He was dressed identical to his father, who looked relatively young for a man in his forties.

“Adam, you look so nice in your little suit, like a little businessman ready to go off to work,” said Jenny, while straightening his tie.

“I wish we were going to work,” said the Dad.

“Rick, you’d better get going. You can’t be late,” said Jenny.

“I know, I’m ready if Nikki’s ready,” Rick said, looking over at Nikki at the table signaling towards the door with a nod of the head.

“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be,” replied Nikki in a tone suggesting that she wasn’t too excited to get going.

“I hate this as much as you do, but its all part of the process. We’re going to have to get through this, and if we stick together it will be easier for everyone,” said Rick. He sounded as if he didn’t believe a word of what he was saying, but tried his best to be sincere.

“See you in about a half an hour,” said Jenny, as she closed the door while they got into the car.

The car ride was quiet. You could tell that everyone was in deep thought. Nikki was trying to keep her mind on other things, things like volleyball, her friends, and most of all, Josh. It was tough. She just kept thinking about her dream from the night.

“Are we going to see Mommy now?” asked Adam, who seemed to be taking it better than the other two for the time being. No one answered him. It wasn’t because they didn’t know the answer. They knew that he wouldn’t understand that they were going to see Mommy, to tell her goodbye. Rick was planning on telling him that morning, but decided to wait until they got to the parlor.

As they got out of the car, Nikki’s heart started to leap out of her chest. She sat in the waiting room, while her dad talked to Mr. Miller in his office. She had been in the parlor before. Mr. Miller’s son was a good friend of Josh’s. The Millers lived in the upstairs section of the parlor, and she had watched many movies in their living room.

The thought of watching movies reminded Nikki of her date with Josh, just last weekend. She remembered the feeling she had as she sat next to him, his arm tightly around her. If only she would have answered her cell phone, instead of pressing the ignore button. Nikki felt horrible for not answering her phone. The thought of how she felt annoyed when she opened the phone to see the word “MOM” flashing, interrupting her date, made her sick to her stomach. That didn’t matter anymore. Nikki had a feeling that pretty soon that sick feeling would intensify. Oh, how she hated that feeling.

Her father came out of the office with Mr. Miller. “Wait here with Adam, I’ll be back in a minute, then we’ll go in together,” he said. Mr. Miller held the door open as her father slowly entered the room. Nikki had been through that room before, but she never thought twice about what it was used for. Nikki realized that she had never been as scared as she was then to enter a room. For some reason she hoped that her father would be in there forever. She wished that she could sit there holding her brother on her lap in that big squishy chair for eternity. As the tears started to fill her eyes, because she knew what was ahead, she heard the doorknob open and saw her father appear.

“Nikki, it’s time.”

As she got up, she couldn’t help but think of how beautiful her mother looked in her dream. Concentrating on her mother’s face, she thought to herself, “It’s just a body. I can do this. It’s just a body. Mommy’s with Jesus now.”